Thought of a friend today

When I first wanted to be a teacher, specifically a MATH teacher, all I thought about was the math. How do I teach math? What do I teach? How can I get kids to like math? Yada, yada, yada... Then I started teaching and realized it's so much more than that. It's about connecting with kids and helping them to grow as people, not as little math munchers eating up knowledge (although sometimes that would be nice). I feel like I've learned a lot from my students over the last seven years of teaching and have become a better teacher every year.

I attended a conference today for a positive behavior committee at my school. The majority of the day's conference was about bullying and how it affects ALL kids, not just the bully and the victim. The keynote speaker was really good. Part of his speech was showing a video of students who had committed suicide because they were bullied. And it wasn't your "typical" victim. These were "normal" kids that had enough of their life and the pain they had endured. The kids were all between the ages of 13 and 16.

It put a knot in my stomach that took most of the day to untwist.

It made me think of a friend. David was not quite 16 when he died. I had grown up with him, gone to church with him, and had attended the same school as him from kindergarten to high school. We knew each other well. I was an honorary pallbearer at his funeral. That's not something a high school student ever wants to experience.

David was picked on. He was picked on a lot.

The summer before David died, I was with him and many other friends at our county fair. A group of kids who had been known to bully him, beat him up right in front of us. Some of the guys tried to stop the fight and eventually did.

All I could do was stand there and watch. I had no idea what to do. Later I gave a statement at the police station.

Less than a year later, David was dead. I remember it being one of the hardest nights of my life. Nobody seemed to know what happened. I never found out how he died. It was kept very hush-hush and to this day, I believe it was suicide. I could be totally wrong and I hope that I am.

*****

So today as I watched the video of students who had taken their lives due to bullying, all I could see was David. And as the speaker talked about the people involved - the supporters, the bystanders, and the students who want to do something, but don't know what to do, I felt guilty.

I probably laughed at some point when he was being bullied. David laughed too, I'm sure. That was just his style. And I didn't report it, like I should have. I felt just like those students, unsure what to do and didn't realize what damage it had done.

We have all been there - made mistakes as kids. I just hope that I can create relationships with my students that help curb those mistakes. I want my "kids" to be understanding, kind, and open. And I want them to build connections with each other that help them better hold on to the ride we call childhood.